Romantic relations with Russia

By Lauren Cohen
Deputy Chief Reporter

UNLUCKY in love? Hundreds of South African men tired of failed romantic attempts are using the internet to find Russian brides.

But cultural differences and the language barrier are just two of the many issues couples must resolve before they can embark on happy marriages, and some couples in the Eastern and Southern Cape have realised that sometimes, love just isn’t enough.

Plettenberg Bay architect Stephen Westraadt, 47, took to the information highway three years ago after becoming “gatvol of the South African way of doing things” and curious about foreign women.

“I’d already had children and wanted to find a woman who did not want kids, who did not have the baggage of an ex-husband,” Westraadt said.

“I started communicating with a woman from Belarus, Harlena Kluikoits, through an introduction website. We wrote to each other; her letters were in broken English. It was only when she arrived at Johannesburg International that I realised she could only say ‘Yes’, because she had been using translation programmes.”

The couple married soon after meeting but have to work hard at their relationship.

“Russian women are very headstrong,” he said, and his wife agreed.

“South Africans are very different. I cannot find a job here and I am bored. Russian people enjoy using their brains to stay active,” Kluikoits said.

Westraadt expressed disappointment that his wife was not enjoying the lifestyle he provided for her in the resort town.

“While a South African woman would be happy to stay at home, Gala (as she is known) wants to earn her own money.”

Elena Petrova of Russian online dating agency Elena’s Models said the agency currently had 707 male members from South Africa, including about 20 from the Eastern Cape.

“The reason Russian girls seek husbands abroad is simple: they cannot find them in their homeland. There are fewer men than women in Russia – 10 million fewer men than women of marriageable age, according to the latest census,” Petrova said.

“Many girls are disappointed in the values and attitudes of Russian men and believe foreign men value family more. Some girls also start looking for foreign husbands because they know Russian women who have married foreigners and are very happy.”

SA-based global online dating site Dating Buzz chief executive David Burstein said 1 227 Russian women were registered on the company’s websites. “I’m cynical about Russian brides as we delete dozens of profiles on a daily basis that we believe are scammers, Russian crime syndicates posing as attractive women who try and get money for a ‘plane ticket’ out of the men they chat to,” he said.

But one Port Elizabeth man referred to Weekend Post by Elena’s Models said there were “millions of wonderful ladies in the Ukraine, Russia, Belarus and Latvia”.

“My two inboxes for replies waiting are now standing at 150 and 200 letters from gorgeous women to reply to . . . if only I’d known this 10 years ago ,” said the man, who asked to be known only as Athol.

Natalya Chekumova, 49, is a Russian engineer-turned florist who moved to Port Elizabeth in 1998 to live with a man she had met through a dating club.

“I had been divorced for many years, and my daughter and friend sent a letter and pictures of me to dating clubs in America, Europe and SA. I received many letters in response; some interesting, some ordinary.

“Then I started corresponding with a man in PE and after six months he sent me a ticket to come and visit him,” she said.

The pair married two years later but have since divorced. Chekumova has remained in PE. “Men are all exactly the same (everywhere in the world), only the language and culture are different. They all have good and bad in them,” she said.

Although she misses her family and Russia’s snow, Chekumova enjoys the friendliness and hospitality of South Africans. In 1999, one of her friends visited her in Nelson Mandela Bay – and fell in love with a Grahamstown businessman. The couple, who asked to not be named, married in 2001.

“Her unusual looks were what first attracted me,” said the now happily married man. “We have shared interests and come from similar families.”

A Nelson Mandela Bay pensioner, now divorced from a Russian woman, said relationships today were difficult due to “daily pressures”.

“Different cultures do affect relationships,” he said.

The man said a newspaper article about how many Russian women were looking for men had sparked his interest.

“I thought I could offer a reasonable life here in return for someone being able to look after me a little. But our age difference was a problem; she was full of the joys of life while I was on the downward crest of the wave.”

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