Mixed sleep-overs are a nightmare for some

SOME Eastern Cape parents are having sleepless nights over what their children might be doing when sleeping over at a friend‘s house, because of a new trend: the “co-ed sleep-over”.

And their fears may be well-founded – one expert says there is evidence that some teen co-ed sleep- overs turn into full-blown orgies.

Izabella Little, author of the Lifetalk for a Teen series and co-ordinator of the Lifetalk Forum, said many parents were divided on the practice. “You generally get three groups of parents. Those who have no problem with it, those who do have a problem with it, and those who will not allow it after having gone through a bad situation.”

Little said while it was alright for boys and girls to attend sleep-overs when they were children, it might not be as safe, or as innocent, when they were teens. “I‘ve heard from feedback through the forum that many teen sleep-overs turn into full-blown orgies, with teens as young as 14 taking part,” she said.

Port Elizabeth parent Wendy Kant allows her 16-year-old daughter, Leigh-anne, to have co-ed sleep- overs because they live on a smallholding. “We stay in Colleen Glen, so it‘s not always easy for parents of visiting children to come and fetch their kids,” she explained.

However, Kant said the “rules” were clearly explained. “We have a big recreation room, we try to separate the boys and girls, and explain to them that there will be no drugs, booze or sex. My husband and I are always there to supervise.”

Leigh-anne said in her group of friends, aged 14 to 18, many parents had no problem allowing their teens to go to mixed sleep-overs.

“Not allowing kids to go to sleep-overs is not going to make any difference to whether they have sex or not. If kids want to do that, they will find a way,” she said.

However, Port Elizabeth mother of two teens, Mandy Styles, is totally against the idea. “There are a lot more dangers out there than there used to be. Kids as young as 13 are exposed to a lot, especially graphic sex on TV. I just don‘t think it‘s a good idea.”

Styles‘s son, Brent, 17, said some of his friends were teased for not being allowed to go to sleep-overs. “I know that in my group of friends sleep- overs are more likely to be innocent, but alcohol and drugs at sleep-overs can lead to the worst,” he said.

Cathy Fetting, an East London mother of two teenage girls, won‘t even allow her children to go to same-sex sleep-overs. “Unless it is family, I don‘t allow the girls to stay over at other people‘s homes. I have heard of cases where kids are molested at a friend‘s sleep-over.”

Maneo Tfieame, another Port Elizabeth mom of two teens, said sleep-overs were not common in the Xhosa culture. “If friends want to see each other after school, they can go out – but they should sleep at their own homes,” she said.

NMMU psychology lecturer Kempie van Rooyen said co-ed sleep-overs were not always the best idea. “Teens are inclined to do risky things ... there is a greater risk for exploration if given the chance.”

Little advised parents to speak to their teens about potential dangers.

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